Articles have been written about my grandfather, Dr. Tan Yu. Most of them talk about his childhood, his struggle to overcome so many trials and tribulations, and how he went to accomplish this and that in the business sector. Though I thank everyone for their concern and respect, however, no comfort did I derive from these articles, for I did not see in them my Gong gong’s kind heart and gentle spirit that I will remember him by. They didn’t reveal his true essence – his love for all (with a special bias in favor of the Filipino people).

Clever old Morrie (from Tuesdays with Morrie) spoke of death ending a life, not a relationship: “As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”

So true. Yet the same memories which keep the love alive also keep the stabbing pain of the loss all the more fresh. My Gong gong, through his love, has made me see the world in brighter way. It is in the hope that our stories of him will touch others in the same light that my cousin, Boris Tanyu Van (Tan Yu’s eldest grandson) and I write this article.

A Hero of Our Own: Remembering our Grandfather
By Stephanie Tanyu Coyiuto and Boris Tanyu Van

 Our Gong gong was not the typical grandfather. For starters, he loved to dye his hair. His round, somewhat chubby face combined with his deep black hair made him seem somehow younger than he really was. The fact that he would lie to us about his age helped prove this idea too. His large mole on his forehead was often the focus point of it all. Our younger cousins would climb up to him and poke the mole asking when it would come off. When Gong gong proudly defended his mark, they would come back with black spots on their faces and demand a family portrait be taken.  
He loved wearing cowboy hats and went for pictorials wearing these. He had a deep booming voice and a commanding presence. Though our families lived in different countries, we always felt that our grandfather was omnipresent. He was our warmth and our comfort, and was deeply involved in all family decisions.  His death has left us with a great sense of loss, as we are now bereft of a man whose sound advice used to guide us all. 
 Our Gong gong did not have a happy childhood, except for perhaps the recollections of his kind mother. He was faced with poverty, the loss of a father, and a new country at such an early age. Perhaps it was his unpleasant memories of his past that led him to strive to make our childhoods such happy ones. In many ways which touched us deeply, we saw him try to make up for his lost childhood. There was always this sweet, childlike side to him despite his tough exterior. As a devout Christian, he was especially fond of the Christmas season. At one time, he had seven genuine Christmas trees put up in his house, for he loved the smell of pine trees, and seven, for it was his lucky number. 
He presented quite a picture when he went for his endless fishing trips, in his fishing hat of course. His overriding sense of determination was even apparent during these family outings. Gong gong often refused to leave until he was contented with the day’s catch, but failing to reach his target, a large plate of smoked salmon was usually enough to satisfy him.
He had a dog named Pauper once. Pauper was a tiny dog, yet so fierce and protective of our Gong gong. We children were too scared to even approach Pauper, yet Pauper was putty in our Gong gong’s hands. As our Gong gong sat on his white sofa, working painstakingly, Pauper would sit there beside him for hours, fuelling him through the nights. When Pauper died, no one wanted to break the news to Gong gong. Eventually we just bought him a new dog – named Pauper 2. Yet the new pet could never replace the beloved original.
   Despite his being able to rise from poverty, our Gong gong never became arrogant or egotistical. There was always this part of him which felt like the poor orphaned boy. He would line us all up, and ask us one by one, “who do you love the most?” Blessed be the grandchild who didn’t answer correctly. It was as if our outpouring of devotion would make up for the love which he deprived of during his childhood. He loved being with his grandchildren, especially the younger ones. We fondly remember how amused he always was to see our young cousins dance the Macarena in front of him. Birthdays and other holidays at his place were always big celebrations. All of us were required to wear red, and all members of the family joined in the “exchange gifts,” and other such games. Before he’d give us the traditional hong bao (red envelope), we’d have to sing comically before him. When came the stroke of midnight, signaling the new year, we would all glare with amazement at the firework show on the front lawn, and feast on all our favourite foods, festivities which our Gong gong had kindly arranged for us.
Gong gong was a man of compassion and one we so greatly admired for his virtues as a person. He brought us up not with the notion of avarice, but with the love and concern for our fellow man. We are all bonded together with agape, Christian love that we must apply indiscriminately, regardless of race, wealth or social status. He taught us not to love objects, but the love of man should be our heart’s sole desire.
 Hence, our grandfather had a grand vision in his life: to help the poor of the Philippines and eradicate poverty in the country. Gong gong saw his wealth merely as a tool in his magnanimous ambition. The KTTI foundation was set up, a charitable organization with the intention of supporting education of youths, to which our grandfather devoted a great deal of his time to.
Our gong gong lived a modest life, often challenging the notion of wearing designer labels and the need for luxury possessions. Only through one’s hardships and experience of suffering can we then empathize with those in need. He’d sometimes scold us for going to various countries even for family vacations. He was the epitome of a workaholic, and couldn’t comprehend why we had to rest once in a while and go off to exotic places. He tried to live out the virtues as reflected in the description of Dido, the Queen of Carthage that Virgil gives in his great epic poem The Aeneid: “Non ignara mali, miseris succucere disco”, “Not Ignorant of troubles, I am learning to help the wretched.”
Our Gong gong believed that in order for us to fully commiserate with the situation of world poverty and to be committed whole heatedly to this noble cause, an education is absolutely vital. Only through education can our virtues and qualities be led out from within, and there exists no substitute. Since our grandfather was deprived of an education from young, this was the utmost priority for his children, and it was also pursued for us, his grandchildren. He prized academic excellence very highly, and also supported all endeavours at school that we had. Our parents used to make recordings of the various school activities we participated in, and Gong gong would derive a certain sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from watching them.
Despite his utmost love for Philippines, our Gong gong never turned his back on his origins. An old Chinese aphorism states, “falling leaves return to their roots.” Our Gong gong has always believed in this, and tried to instill in us the same love for Chinese culture and history. He would stay up till dawn watching old Chinese epics, not understanding why everyone didn’t share the same passion he had for them. Mulan was probably one of the few Disney cartoons he knew about.
Truly, we will treasure our Gong gong’s guidance with gratefulness and gratitude. Although our Gong gong is to be buried today, we are only saying farewell to his physical presence on this earth. He will forever be etched in our memories, and the bond of our love will never be stronger. Our admiration for him will be ever more profound, as we yearn to reflect his determination, virtue and magnanimity in ourselves. Perhaps some of you have known such people who cast such a light upon others’ lives. As long as there are people like them, hope continues to live on.       
The eternal flame inside our Gong gong is still burning vibrantly. This flame will never be extinguished, but rather it will also burn inside our hearts, inspiring us to go into the world living his legacy and fulfilling what he started in his life.

“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main… Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
John Donne

Note: Boris Tanyu Van was at that point a King’s Scholar at England’s prestigious Eton College.